I Made It

Well…that was a lot of stuff and bother about going to the neurologist. He was as always, kind and considerate. As I said from the start here, just the thought of leaving home is enough to cause an anxiety attack. Add the stress of being in the presence of someone who intimidates me (which is regrettably, nearly everyone) and I fall to pieces. How fortuitous that I was in so much pain from a migraine I was actually coherent. If you are interested in a detailed description of a typical anxiety attack, you could read my posts here for the week of May 31. They are explicit.

As for what the doctor said, he agrees with my theory that stopping the Neurontin probably contributed to my current migraine problems and it definitely was the cause of the Trigeminal Neuralgia symptoms returning so forcefully. The result of the visit is a new prescription for Neurontin, he increased my dose of Toprol and gave me a different pain killer for the migraines, the goal being to keep me out of the ER, it is called Ultracet I have taken two today and they have helped. It turns out Neurontin had nothing to do with acquiring a tolerance to pain killers. It is genetic; I have a brother who has the same problem. You can shoot him so full of morphine a junkie would fly to Mars and back and it has no effect on him. There you have it, the answer to my conundrum.

Now for a few quick observations on a movie, a music CD and gloaming. The movie is Snow Cake with Alan Rickman and S (so sorry, cannot spell it right now) Weaver. Rickman portrays a man who was just released from prison. He was there on a murder conviction. He gives a ride to Weaver’s screen daughter, they are in an accident and the girl is killed. Rickman goes to Weaver’s house to say how sorry he is and finds out that she is all alone and autistic. This movie, is for me, too difficult to review. Rickman and Weaver play their parts well but the subject, autism, is just beyond me to comment on. The only thing I know about the terrible condition is that it causes so much emotional pain for the parents and families of its victims as to be unendurable. I cannot help but think that the poor children suffer their own hell. It is beyond me. I just want to take them all in my arms and hold them tight and never let go. Of all things in the world, the one that brings me to my knees every time I encounter it, is seeing someone in pain and being unable to help.

The CD is a brighter topic. Now I am giving away a lot here, I am listening to Donny Osmond and the album is Home at Christmas. Go ahead, laugh and roll your eyes. I have had a crush on him since I was 10. Seriously, it is one of the best Christmas albums you will ever hear.

And gloaming, well when I started that paragraph it was right at gloaming and I still had a little light. It is full dark now and the light is gone, as am I.

There is always hope.

Betty