Unlike her husband, Larry, Marda has a kind face, kind but not pretty. In profile, her face is nearly flat. A heavy brow shadows bright blue, wide set eyes that have a warm twinkle glasses cannot hide. Her hair, once a warm brown with strands of honey, copper, gold and red is beginning to grey and it puffs out in short, frizzy tufts incasing her head in shaggy curls. Her nose is, a little wide, yet still smallish. Marda has a sweet mouth, full lipped with an invitingly friendly smile. She has told me how she hates her complexion, sallow coloring overlaid with a hint of pink that often gives her emotions away. Combine her complexion with round checks, a chin that would be considered weak on a man, slightly droopy jowls and a turkey neck and I am afraid Marda has a rather poor self-image.
For all of her physical shortcomings Marda is a rather pleasant person. She is the woman people feel comfortable walking up to in the grocery store and asking, “Do you know what isle the tuna is in?” Marda has grown quite accustomed to being asked questions like that. Can you watch my cart for a moment? I forgot something; can you hold my place in line? I forgot my discount card at home may I borrow yours? She has become used to it but I assure you, even as she smiles sweetly, waves her hand and nods you off to do whatever it is that needs doing; she resents your assumption. She resents it and quietly seethes under the weight of her anger. She is not angry with you as much as she is angry with herself. The very last thing Marda wants anyone to think of her is that she is nice.
Larry and Marda have been married now for 24 years. While Larry has changed in many aspects, Marda has changed very little. Her sturdy frame remains much the same as it was on her wedding day, albeit she has gained nearly 20 pounds. Still, 20 pounds weight gain when she started out at 230 pounds is not significant. Heaven knows she would have loved to grow an inch or two. Vertically challenged at 5’ almost 1” tall, coupled with her weight can be a little uncomfortable and awkward. For instance, her reach is greatly reduced because the bulk of her belly holds her half an arms length from the cupboards. Interestingly, though she sees her height and weight as unfortunate and she says she would give anything to change it, Marda sees no reason to waste self-pity on what cannot be changed. There are people out there both shorter and heavier. Think what you will of Marda but I caution you, never tell her what a sweet person she is. I predict she will, one day, implode from the contained fury every time someone assumes she is worthy.
We are not what could be termed, close friends, Marda and I, but we are friends of a sort. I know her through Larry, who I first became acquainted with at work. On the rare occasion, over the years, when we have had a girls day out I have grown to like Marda and I see in her a compassionate and caring person. She and I really do not share much in common in the way of interests but we are both childless. Marda once told me she had two regrets in her life. One was having married a man she fears; the other was her choice not to have children. Being the coward that I am, I was too chicken to ask her why she was afraid of Larry. I am ashamed of that cowardice on my part.
As I said, Marda is a likeable person. Sadly, her life has become one of regret and bitterness. She trundles through life doing what she can with limited resources and avoids looking in mirrors because she is fearful that one day, there will be no one looking back. She feels like a coward because she is afraid of Larry and she feels like a failure because of the choices she made.
Now you have met Marda. Why you would take the time and bother to get to know her and her husband would be a mystery to her.
There is always hope.
Betty
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