Not So Very Lonely

This day is shaping up pretty well. It started out a little on the lonely side but working on setting up this blog has diminished that feeling. I am looking forward to hearing from others who feel lonely. After 48 years I believe I have learned a thing or two about my feelings and I believe that I have learned enough to know that though my feeling may be similar to someone else's, that does not mean I can say I know exactly how they feel. Being lonely with someone, a spouse, friend, child or acquaintance is sad. I know after 30 years of experience in marriage just how lonely it can be with someone sitting right beside me. I was the third child in a family of six children and I always felt isolated when four of us went to bed in the same room each night. Lonely is a complex thing. It is not always a bad thing . More often than not, I cling to the feeling of being alone, it is a comfort to me. Still there are times when I need to feel as if I am a part of something, like I matter. I do wonder if the end result of voluntary isolation, loneliness, will make me a bitter old woman. And there is the rub. To a great degree I can not blame my loneliness on anyone else. Crowds of more than three make me an anxious wreck. I am quite content with my books and music most of the time. Which is a very good thing because my husband does insist on living his life without me most of the time. It has always been that way. I suppose I felt unworthy of his attention. Maybe I still do. Let me know what you are feeling, thinking wondering. Betty