I Miss My Father

I miss my father. He died several years ago and I would have thought missing him would have lessened a little by now. I would have been wrong. I miss him very single day. He was... well, he was many things. He was love. When I was a little girl he taught me the things I suppose parents are meant to teach their children. Because of him, I knew I was loved. Not just loved but needed and cherished and I knew the shinning spark of light in his eyes was there because of me. His blue eyes had a beautiful twinkle and his smile came straight from his heart. He laughed often and long. He did love to laugh; and his grin, always lurking there tied to that mysterious sparkle in his eyes. I still think he was an angel who who got lost in the mists of time. Every good thing about me came from him. Compassion, honesty, unselfishness all of it, never judging but always giving the benefit of the doubt. He taught me courage and confidence, generosity and faithfulness. Even after all these years my soul still keens and wails for my father. He was the nearest thing to perfection I have ever known. He was perfect in my eyes; eyes the same twinkling blue as his. I hope I never to experience the bitter despair of that kind of loss again. The sad truth is, even after all these years, I miss him so much I still have trouble sleeping at night. It is the void he left. I am afraid one day I might just fall into that blackness and be lost forever in the mists. When I am awake, I can still feel his touch. The heavy weight of his hand on my shoulder, a gentle squeeze of pressure for encouragement as if he is saying, "It's alright sweetie, you can do it". Even at 48 years old, my soul screams back, "NO! Daddy I can't without you!" Well... it had to be said. If anyone ever says to you, concerning someone who has passed, "Would he/she want you to spend the rest of your life grieving?" You can say with all the confidence in the world, "No. But they would like knowing I cared enough to remember." The world continues to spin. Lee Child is coming to Dayton. Pirates of The Caribbean is in the theater and I have a husband who will be home in a few hours. Thanks for being here for me. Betty