Saying It Out Loud

I have breast cancer. I wasn't going to say that out loud but some people have to be told and so it is out there now. Tomorrow I have surgery, a partial mastectomy; the follow up will be radiation. I am a very lucky woman, the cancer I have is contained in a small area and the doctor said that if I had to have cancer, this is the cancer to have because it is not fatal.

The reason I didn't want to tell anyone about the cancer is that I am afraid to test my luck. It feels as if I had kept it to myself I would be safe for sure. Now that everyone knows I am a little afraid that my good luck will end. Silly, I know but there you have it.

There is always hope.

I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder about everything. It all seems like a mystery to me, how do we find the strength to go on with the knowledge we have? We watch the news and there are terrible things happening in the world and not just out there anymore, there are terrible things happening in our own back yards. I don't dwell on such things, if I did I would never smile again but sometimes I do wonder.

There is something that I am going to do next week and I am not looking forward to it. There is something that I am supposed to do as follow-up and I will not do it. I have decided that definitely. I will face opposition to my decision but I will not budge. It is my choice.

It is difficult to get motivated to walk these days, though I did walk 3 miles yesterday. Cross country season started today and our schedule will be a little wacked out for a few weeks until school starts. What that means is our walk/runs will have to be done later in the day when it is warmer – yuk. Of course I feel like yuk about walking right now anyway. I was doing pretty good there for a while. My times were improving and I was enjoying the experience of being out in the open air. Ah well, you can't have it all.

There is always hope.

Bringing You Up To Speed

The news came on August 2^nd, it is a game changer.

As often happens with life's larger events there is really nothing that can be done but ride it out with a positive attitude. And a positive attitude is exactly what I have. It could be so much worse, as a matter of fact in my case there is hardly anything at all. I am very lucky.

On to happier thoughts, we did take a mini vacation at the end of April to Geneva, OH. It really was quite nice. In May we concentrated on getting Don ready to run his last two marathons in his 50 state quest. At the end of May and early June Don and Rob flew out to Oregon and Washington to run the races. I am so proud of Don for fulfilling his quest, it was not all a walk in the park; some of those races were grueling. Later in June we bought a new car, another Impala and we love it. June ended with a trip to Cincinnati to see my favorite group, the Great Lake Swimmers in concert and they were great. On July 7, we celebrated our 35^th anniversary. How sweet it is to spend those years with the one who stole my heart all those years ago. And now here we are into August, cross country season begins Monday. Our summer is essentially over.

That pretty well gets you up to speed on what has been happening in my world these last few months. Most of it was very good, as for the bit that isn't…

There is always hope.

Looking Forwad

We've got some pretty exciting plans for the spring and early summer; beginning with a short vacation at the end of this month (of course Don will be training for his marathons in Oregon and Washington in early June where he will complete his 50 States) and ending with a Great Lake Swimmers concert in Cincinnati in late June. It should be a lot of fun and everything we are doing is oriented around running/walking so with any luck this little bit of shaking it up will help to inspire me to get back into walking. By the way, speaking of walking, the new music is helping.

We went to Boardman yesterday to take Don's Dad out for his 87^th birthday. It was a nice visit and we even had a little visit with JB. Mom and Dad seem to be doing well, they still pick at each other so I guess that means all is well.

No walk today, I have a sore calf, maybe tomorrow.

There is always hope.

Walking Is A Chore

I listened to The Four Preps yesterday while I walked; I imagine it has been at least three years since I last listened to them. I really enjoyed hearing 26 Miles again. I have added a large variety of music to my new MP3 player, much more than I had on my old one. I hope it helps to get me motivated to walk.

Walking, something I need to do for my health and something I used to like doing but the last few months it has been agony for me to put on my walking shoes and head out the door. I have no idea why it suddenly became a chore; at this point I really don't care all I want is to want to walk again. Maybe the new music will help.

As for the bathroom, it finally got a good cleaning and I even mopped the floors in the rest of the house. I know, I know it is astonishing! Who can say? Perhaps I am becoming motivated. Time will tell.

There is always hope.

Something to Say

What to do on this beautiful day? I should have gone to Kokosing and walked 4 miles, too late now, I missed the boat. I really am not in the mood to go for a long walk today which I find interesting because this is just the sort of day that I love to go out with my headset on and lose myself in music while I walk. The bathroom needs a good cleaning, I could always do that. I could go outside and play pickup sticks in the yard and clear away the debris of winter in preparation for mowing next week. There isn't much but there is some laundry to be washed, that sounds like fun…not. Oh, the possibilities are endless, where do I begin?

We have spent the last couple of months reading that is listening to books. We started out with The Lord of The Rings and we moved on to Harry Potter. We are now listening to The Order of the Phoenix. I do enjoy listening to books but I would rather read a good solid book, I don't know there is just something about holding the real thing in my hands. Then too there is the slight problem of one of us occasionally nodding off while we listen to a book, we have been known to have to replay large portions of discs. The best part of audio books is that we can read a book together, we do enjoy that. Speaking of books, I hear J K Rowling has written a novel for adults. She says it is very different from Harry Potter. I must confess I will be right there in line for my copy the day it is released.

I cannot imagine the pressure an author like J K Rowling would feel when writing something new after such a successful series as Harry Potter, it must be intimidating.

I miss blogging. I enjoyed it when I blogged more often it's just that I can't seem to think of anything to say. As I have said here before I am going to try to blog more often. Surely to goodness I have something to say.

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my 53^rd birthday. Of all the things a person could say about turning 53, and I am sure there are many, I seem to be able to think of only one. Another year older: not in a negative way, I am proud of my age and I do not believe I will ever be one of those people that lie about their age. No, I'm just another year older.

I seem to be in a bit of a rut and I have been here for a while now. I am having the devils own time motivating myself to do anything. The only thing I get done with efficiency is nothing; I am quite good at that. You might think that if it bothers me so much I would find the gumption to do something about it, because it really does bother me quite a lot, doing nothing. Oh I do the bare bones minimum to keep the house in running order; laundry, the occasional dusting and sweeping, things like that but that's about it. I don't even use all of this time I have pursuing my favorite things like reading and music and walking. I skate by doing only what I have to do. It really does distress me.

Something else that has been on my mind is smoking. It has been years since I smoked but I sometimes find myself wanting to smoke. I don't believe I would smoke if someone handed me a cigarette, all the stench and mess you know, but for some reason I have the urge to smoke. Oh well, smoking is not something I will take up again, I just find it curious that I have the urge to do it once in a while.

And there you have it, the two most prominent thoughts on my birthday. We are going out a little later to Red Lobster and some shopping that should fill out the day nicely. I woke up to snow and now it is very windy, there has been worse weather on my birthday. Who is to say? Maybe I will find some motivation soon and that will make me very happy.

There is always hope.