Mommy passed away yesterday morning. She had been sick for a very long time; that does not ease the pain of losing her Her funeral was preplanned so the only thing that needs to be established are the viewing hours and the grave side service time.
I have written of my mother here many times, she had a hard life. No matter how hard I tried we never had a close relationship. There was…is a tie there that cannot be broken even, I think, in death. Surely there must be some part of the woman who gave me life attached to me still. How could there not be? I struggle to come to grips with the fact that she is gone and to the very depths of my being I feel an almost physical denial. No! It cannot be! Then my waking mind tells me yes, it is so. I remind myself that we were not overly close and then I chastise myself for thinking such a thing at a time like this for there are no degrees of death. I have known for quite a few years now, long before Daddy passed, that I would never be so old that I would not need my parents. I suppose that knowledge did give me the foresight to appreciate them a little more. Mommy had a hard life but as Don said, she is in a better place now.
I really have no idea if this post is readable or not, I only needed to put pen to paper for a moment or two and it has I think, helped a bit.
There is always hope.
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