Today is my 53rd birthday. Of all the things a person could say about turning 53, and I am sure there are many, I seem to be able to think of only one. Another year older: not in a negative way, I am proud of my age and I do not believe I will ever be one of those people that lie about their age. No, I'm just another year older.
I seem to be in a bit of a rut and I have been here for a while now. I am having the devils own time motivating myself to do anything. The only thing I get done with efficiency is nothing; I am quite good at that. You might think that if it bothers me so much I would find the gumption to do something about it, because it really does bother me quite a lot, doing nothing. Oh I do the bare bones minimum to keep the house in running order; laundry, the occasional dusting and sweeping, things like that but that's about it. I don't even use all of this time I have pursuing my favorite things like reading and music and walking. I skate by doing only what I have to do. It really does distress me.
Something else that has been on my mind is smoking. It has been years since I smoked but I sometimes find myself wanting to smoke. I don't believe I would smoke if someone handed me a cigarette, all the stench and mess you know, but for some reason I have the urge to smoke. Oh well, smoking is not something I will take up again, I just find it curious that I have the urge to do it once in a while.
And there you have it, the two most prominent thoughts on my birthday. We are going out a little later to Red Lobster and some shopping that should fill out the day nicely. I woke up to snow and now it is very windy, there has been worse weather on my birthday. Who is to say? Maybe I will find some motivation soon and that will make me very happy.
There is always hope.
